Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Awkward 'Bro Hug'

So have you ever had one of those moments, where something so awkward, so embarrassing, so…well it just made you feel a little weird and uncomfortable, happened to you? One of those moments that will be forever engraved in your memory, right back there with the first time you had to change clothes in a locker room in front of your peers, or the first time you tried to kiss a girl/guy and you awkwardly puckered up, closed your eyes, shot, and missed the lips and landed somewhere in the vicinity of the left eye (just for the record that didn’t happen to me)Well I had one of those awkward moments about 2 months ago...
It was as awkward as a cow on roller was uncomfortable enough that others noticed and felt weird for me. So here’s my story…
Sunday mornings are great I love being able to see everyone that I don’t get to see throughout the week. It’s awesome because everyone (especially at my church) is so excited to see everybody. There are lots of hugs, high fives and chest bumps going around; It’s crazy! It’s like the Rangers won the pennant all over again! Ohk maybe not chest bumps and high fives, but it would be cool huh?!  So I’m following my regular routine, I finished up the worship set and I was heading down to my seat to sit with my wife. On the way I was doing my regular thing, I see people I haven’t seen that week, shake their hand, hug their neck, you know how it goes. Handshakes are good, hugs are good, but for those you are a little closer to, the much more proper ‘bro hug’ is where it’s at…and the awkwardness ensued

I spotted my friend Jesse sitting right behind my wife. Just like any other time, I stuck my hand out, shook his hand, and the ‘bro hug’ was in progress. You know how it goes, you shake hands first, and then you pull each other in for the quick ‘tap tap’ with the fist on the back. All was well, but something went devastatingly wrong… Jesse pulled the wrong way…

The whole world stopped…

It was like one of those moments in a movie where you can hear the music come to a screeching halt and everyone turns and stares with disbelief.

The ‘bro hug’ went awkwardly wrong… Since we both pulled into the same direction, somehow our faces met, and you could hear the sound of two 5 o’clock shadows scraping across each other (I had a lot of trouble typing that), like sandpaper scraping against a rough piece of wood. The noise it made was awful and overpowering, like long nasty nails on a chalk board, it drowned out the peaceful music of the announcement video playing in the background. When everything snapped back into real time, I heard chuckles and laughter to the side from people who had watched that happen,  and without a word, we avoided eye contact, sat down, and tried to play it off as if it that didn’t just happen. I’m not going to lie, I felt violated and a little dirty.

That was a scarring moment for me; Jesse and I still have trouble discussing that moment, in fact we try not to. Never again do I want to go through such an awful, horrible moment like that. So I want to make sure you (the reader) don’t ever experience this…so to close out this post out , I give you:

‘The 4 step process of the “Bro Hug”’

Step 1: Reach out your right hand just like a normal handshake and grab the other person’s hand firmly; no dead fish hand!

Step 2: Pull the other person to your RIGHT as you go to the LEFT. This step is vitally important! Any other variation of this motion could result in an awkward, scarring moment (see story above).

Step 3: With your left hand in a fist, give a quick double tap on the back. Anything more than two taps is just excessive.

Step 4: Release, do not make eye contact, and walk away.
If you follow this 4 step plan carefully, you should be able to avoid a lot of embarrassing moments. Feel free to print and post this in your church lobby, or your church bulletin. Help protect your congregation.

Ever had a scarring moment like this? Or did I miss any steps to the ‘bro hug’?  
Chime in! 

Free Template Blogger collection template Hot Deals BERITA_wongANteng SEO


Trey Morgan said...

I'm a big hugger and the "bro hug" is essential. But I will admit, we have a "close talker" at church who's also a big smoker. So no bro-hug for him because he always smells like an ash-tray. I've actually invited what I call the "close talker stance." It's where you place one foot out in front of you and then lean way back. That does not allow the close-talker (even worse when it's a smoker) to get all up in your face.

Enjoyed reading your blog.

Philip said...

Reminds me of a Seinfeld episode haha! I know some of those at my church, I usually try to keep a row of chairs in between us while talking, I'll have to give your approach a shot! Thanks for checking out my blog!

Post a Comment